Saturday, March 03, 2007

You can take..my breath away...

From the moment I set my eyes on her, I knew it was going to result in weeks,maybe even months of restless thought.No I am not one of the propounders of the 'love at first sight' concept.I think it is downright stupid.Neither am I among those who try to make out a person's personality from his visage,what they term as 'face reading'.Yet there I was, looking at her for a moment, then looking away, secretly, sparingly, as if a slightly long gaze would tarnish her beauty, take away some of the radiance that her honey hued skin exuded.I knew nothing about her.Yet I knew she was a sight I was going to behold in my eyes for a long, long time.In a hall that held hundreds of people dressed in their best at a function which was not about her,she was the only one I could see.In that bustle that is an intrinsic part of such events, I was afraid my heartbeat would be heard.She spelt elegance with her gait.If nature had decided to name her herself,she would have been called Grace.Her eyes shone with life, and in those instants when she would close them and smile demurely,she looked as delicate as a dewdrop.I held back any semblance of feeling that might have begun to form in my mind.I told myself it was no use.Lots of men must have coveted her and failed.Maybe she was already 'booked'.But then again,to not like her would be blasphemy.I looked at her one last time before I left the hall.Untouched by flaw,refined with simplicity, she is a poet's dream come true.This,I knew, was purity in its purest form.

16 comments:

nissim said...

Who/what is 'she'?
Can think of one example ...a Mercedes Benz :P

Aseem said...

not bad at all..I am glad ppl think beyond girls hehe :P

Sunil said...

Great one dude! Happens to me very often. hahaha

Tickle Mania said...

I cant pretend its Mercedes Benz ;)

but someonez been putting lotta effort to bring out the emotions in words..

good one!

zero-state said...

Its well-written. You portray ur ecstatic state very well. But dont u think, coz of all ur similes and metaphors u've taken away her natural pleasure of being 'human'? I wud say, its too filmy!

Aseem said...

hmm..yes..it is kind of filmy.neither is it the first romantic piece of its kind.it is no different than other descrpitions of romantic feelings that might hv been written.much of it mgt sound cliched.but i knew i was running that risk.i just wanted to try my hand at describing the thoughts of some guy falling in love with a girl he has just seen.though i never made any effort to keep the subject of the guy's thoughts ambiguous, i realized after Nissim's comment above that perhaps the subject can also be interpreted to be something inanimate and feminine..like a Merc.it was intended to be about a girl only though.

Amit Panhale said...

The thing about 'describing beauty' in literature is that it leaves a lot to your imagination.

So Aseem your exaltation of this girl that you saw, has left me starstruck.

Obviously because I don't know how beautiful she is, in my mind I have given her the face of the most beautiful girl known to me.

Now I can relate to your state of trance.

Harsha said...

Hmmm...wish I inspired these emotions in Girish today :-)I did once...a very very long time ago...frightens me to think how long ;-> My favourite lines - "She spelt elegance with her gait." and "...she looked as delicate as a dewdrop." Thought that was a simple but powerful way way of painting a picture for the reader. Thought you could have used another word in place of 'booked'. For me, it kind of jarred with the rest of the language used...but that's just nit-picking ;-)

You go boy!! Btw cannot resist the obvious question...who's the girl??!!

amit said...

Awesome.I agree completely with Harsha's comment. Could have written the same words again.Beautiful writing I would say, some inspiration beauty is isn't it. Hope you find someone beautiful soon;)

Maverick said...

Well well well...now when did you start blogging !!

A good post. Do we know the concerned ? ;)

Sridhar said...

Let me guess what happened next. Someone started playing violin. A slight breeze hit her slightly on her face, enough to make her twitch.
Then both of you started running in slow motion, after that they shifted the focus to two flowers :P.

Just kidding... good post

mihir said...

A very good use of milton model language to drive the person into that state u want him to experience by using vague descriptive language so as to captivate his or her attention to the finer details of ur wonderfully scripted writing.. U have good writing skills.. however one think i would have loved to be different in this post is for the man inside every boy to stand up as a mature man and actually talk to her instead of just staring at her beauty from afar..and unlike some other times it would have made the experience even more pleasant if u were to picture that state where not only do u see the girl of ur dreams and also actually get her..just imagine those possibilties :)

Nimish said...

hey, I don't personally know a better writer!!!

That's y u need to carry a digital camera where ever u go...just kidding! Its a great piece of writing, much more than a mere blog. It sounds like a foreign author novel, except for the word 'booked' which brings us back to Indian vocab!

Gayatri said...

And someone complimented me over being good at expressing emotions! I think it's an excellent piece of work. I'd love to read more!

Ashwini Pradhan said...

hey aseem
Once again the poet is at work!!
Gud one!
Btw who is that gal hmm

Lyandra D'souza said...
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